Long Breaks?

After various false starts (and hence long breaks between posts), the time has come...to make the great shift over to putting this blog onto a different website.

Watch this space (which hopefully won't be a space for too much longer, if you see what I mean).

Clare

Olympic thought

More about why it's taken so long to blog again in the next post.

For now, being a distinctly unsporty person, I just have the one thought that might assist thanyone seeking to win out there.

It struck me after hearing Victoria Pendleton, gold-medallist in the (almost bizarrely) successful GB cycling team.

After expressing her joy, she said something like (and my apologies if there's a slight misquote here:

"I felt I had to win...it almost feels like you have to win a medal to be in the team these days".

So, after expressing matching congratulations, I'd just like to observe that maybe some of the more unfit amonst us might be helped to other goals by using a similar motivation. Because wanting to be part of a winning group may feel like a more comfortable motivation for many of us than an, "I'm marvellous and have to be the best" type approach.

Of course, first of all you have to find your winning group. But in this online world, they're out there especially (and quite possibly waiting to have you as a member).

More soon

Clare

Dog Days, or Holidays?

Well, we've been rushing around for weeks here. So something felt distinctly wrong earlier today, when I suddenly realised that:

-There was absolutely nothing that had to be done today

and

-For the first weekday in ages, no-one had rung about anythingin the future.


What was going on?


A couple of friends and colleagues rang though, both speaking (though in slightly different ways) about a sense of listlessness, or of, "waiting for something to happen".

Then I remembered how stressed I used to get every August, when it seemed like the world had stopped turning.

There is of course, nothing sinister going on. It's just August. So, at least in the northern hemisphere, for many of us, things are going to be quieter than normal.

Howver, whether each of us chooses to react to that quiet as, "dog days" or "holidays!" (irrespective of whether you actually go anywhere) is up to each of us.

I dare you to trust that wheels will start turning again. And in the meantime, isn't there that paperwork/website change/succession of casual meetings that you've been promising to do all year. The time for them is now, whilst you have the time.

Unless of course, that word "holiday" has set you off already.

Hope this helps

Clare

Why Plan?

More years ago than I care to think about, before becoming self-employed, I made a huge mistake. A much older and wiser friend took me aside and said,

"Do make sure you make yourself a business plan, won't you?"

Being quite young at the time, pretty innumerate, and utterly unsure of what the heck I would put in such a plan anyway, I ignored his advice. After all, I knew in my head what I planned to do, didn't I?

And that mistake probably cost me thousands (as well incalcuble wasted hours).

But it isn't just businesses that can benefit from plans (and yes, I mean written ones). We all can.

The real question, though, is, "Why?". For it can often feel that,"everything is all planned out" if you've mulled everything over mentally for the umpteenth time. Yet the statistics for success of planning over failure to plan in writing, are hackneyed and too oft-quoted.

For me, and the people I assist, it seems that plans, however well-visualised, only become "real", when they're written-down. Almost literally, they only make it into form in the world when they appear, in black-and-white. (Or indeed, any other more appealing colour combination).

Think about the difference between acknowledging inwardly to yourself that you "meant to have made 10 new contacts" by the end of July, for example, and knowing that you haven't made that same (but written) target? The two scenarios would feel different, wouldn't they? In the first case, more people would be able to shrug off any failure to act, with some neat verbal justification. In the second, the written deadline would be an unassailable reminder that they had once meant to act. Once written, a plan acts a a firm intention, rather than an unexpressed possibility.


Now of course it's a fine line between getting the benefit of such a plan, and feeling stressed by it, to the extent that it becomes another unwelcome, "to-do" list. But a simple, clear plan can help keep you focused on days when focus might otherwise go astray-and leave you feeling amazed at how much, sometimes without realising it, you've achieved at the end of each day/week/month/year.

And yes, in case you were wondering-I do now make (and stick to!) written plans of all kinds. Why? Because they work!

Hope this helps.

Victims, Victimhood, and the Alternatives

Recently, on the radio, I heard a really inspiring Australian woman speaking on the radio about how her life had changed as a result of the 7/7 London bombings, in which she lost both of her legs.

During the interview (and I'll have to paraphrase here and hope I'm doing her justice) one of the points she made was that she never felt like, nor referred to herself as, a victim. To do so, would, in her terms, hand a victory to the crime's perpetrators that she didn't want to give them.


As a coach, and an individual living life, this struck me as a perfect example of how, even though we may not be able to control circumstances, we can always choose how to frame them. For me (and many of my clients) even the word "victim" carries with it a sense of ongoing powerlessness that may affect my (or someone else's) ability to reframe an incident as they move forward.

And to be honest, I never even thought this would be controversial in the personal development world. But apparently it is: one friend and I almost came to (civilised) blows over it. Just as well that we didn't-it would be deeply ironic if a discussuiion about victimhood led, incongruently, to anyone feeling victimised.

I realised that this is an issue upon which there are many different shades of opinion. Another friend, perhaps, summarised it with the most wisdom...

"Yes, if you can reframe yourself as something other than a victim, it probably helps you going forward> But you've got to be able to realise that you're giving yourself that label, and the implications of wearing it, before you can make a change".

Wise words indeed. But perhaps not the last word. What does everyone else think?

How Wide Are Your Horizons?

There's a lot of talk in the personal development field about "expanding your horizons", "aiming high" and so forth. The trouble is, no-one seems to explain quite how you're supposed to do this whilst juggling jobs, family, household budgets and more.

The good news is, the whole process can be really simple and down-to-earth. As simple, in fact, as saying, "yes" more often in life.

There's a story here I need to tell against myself, in order to make the point best.

For some time, my Long Suffering Spouse has been nudging me gently towards getting a new monitor, worried perhaps that all my online activities would leave him with a wife who could only ever see him through a severely myopic haze.

Anyway, after weeks and months of pointing out good deals (he is, after all, a computer repair bod) he finally excelled himself, and brought home a 20" monitor, cast off by one of his clients in favour of something even better.

I looked at the monitor...huge and black-edged, and a serious piece of kit...and found myself putting up internal objections in order to preserve what I had:

-"But my current monitor's silver...it looks better than a black one would,"

-"The monitor I've got has speakers, the new one doesn't"

-"It'll never fit-we'd need to move everything around".

Until of course, I finally had a flash of good sense, and grabbing an extra six inches (of monitor size, naturally).

And of course, it all fitted fine, there wasn't that much to move, the black doesn't show because the screen is so huge, and we had other speakers anyway.

Suffice to say, I've spent my whole afternoon, going, "Wow....wow...wow," at my (literally) expanded horizons. And wondering how often I, or any of us, have missed out on something great for the sake of staying with the known.

The moral of the story? Saying, "Yes!" whenever you know you really want to is the easiest personal development tip of all.

Monday Morning Suggestions

Monday mornings can be tough, especially when the sun's finally shining (after, the weekend, naturally).

However, there are some very simple ideas that can help you to enjoy them more than you may do currently, and here are three of the quickest:

-Make a very finite list of the things you absolutely have to do today. Everyone's different, so giving a number may be too prescriptive. But in general terms, most people don't complete more than a maximum of seven items even on a day when they feel fantastic, so if "Monday blues" are hitting you, aiming for four or five, and then feeling virtuous when they're actually complete, may be more effective and time efficient.

-When the list is done, pick the first one that pops into your mind and focus on it exclusively (no more thinking about how you'd rather be somewhere else) until it's done. Then, rinse and repeat the process.

-When half of the items on the list are complete, think of a small way to reward yourself at the end of the day that is in harmony with your other goals (ie if you're wanting to eat healthily, allowing yourself to curl up with a favourite TV programme might be a better reward than a chocolate bar) .


These are tiny thoughts, but it's precisely for this reason that they work to dissipate the Monday morning blues.

Hope this helps

Clare

How *Not* to Set Goals, by the G8

Yes, I know, it's a negative title. But the G8 have really excelled themselves in demonstrating how much better we can all do in setting outcomes thean them, in their latest climate change statement.

The statement, if you're looking for light bedtime reading :-) is here:

http://www.herald-review.com/articles/2008/07/06/columnists/hawbaker/1033853.txt


On the plus side, it's written down. On the minus side, see how many better ways of outcome suggesting you could suggest to them, if asked. My first ten ideas are given below (but there are probably many more).




Ideas

1. Make the outcome as specific and tangible as possible (not just, eg, "work together on mitigation related technology strategies*)

*2. Put the outcome in the clearest and simplest possible terms.

3. State what everyone will see, hear and feel when the outcome is reached.

4. Set down firm targets for every action (not just vague and hopeful references to 2012).

5. State who is to be responsible for each action, and to whom, to ensure maximum accountability.

6. As far apossible, state how an outcome is to be reached, even if only in overview, or via staging post markers in time.


7. Divide the problem into small, manageable measurable steps. (Rather than saying, "Climate change is one of the great global challenges of our time" to depress yourself before you start with the scale of the task, and then failing to work out the tiny steps that can be taken this week, this month, and this year).


8. Make major decisions now (or at least as soon as you have the info to do so), rather than leaving them to, say, 2009, or 2012 :-), in order save the emotional energy that procrastination wastes, and better-prepare yourself for each new twist and turn in the road. If you really can't make a decision yet, state the info you need in order to make the decision, and give yourself a deadline by which to find it.


9. If agreements on goals and outcomes involve others, get their genuine buy-in by listening to, and addressing the emotional concerns driving their requests (eg. security, status). The alternative (ie wasting time finding forms of words that please everyone, but achieve nothing) doesn't bear thinking about.

10. Believe you can reach the outcome, and really want the change. (Nothing in the document suggests it, but maybe I'm feeling jaundiced today...Far be it from me to suggest that another set of politicians is pushing problems into a not-so-blue yonder, in which they are out of office and unaccountable).


And I'm sure the list goes on. Please do leave a comment when you spot other points I've missed.


So there you have it. Whoever said that politicians were useless? Look how helpful they've been to us here. Whatever happens to the world, you can be sure, if you're even reading this post, that you're 100% better at setting goals and outcomes than our esteemed leaders.

More soon

Clare