The "Does it Work?" Personal Development Diary

Long Breaks?

2008-08-20T17:05:00.004+01:00

After various false starts (and hence long breaks between posts), the time has come...to make the great shift over to putting this blog onto a different website.

Watch this space (which hopefully won't be a space for too much longer, if you see what I mean).

Clare

Olympic thought

2008-08-20T16:17:00.003+01:00

More about why it's taken so long to blog again in the next post.

For now, being a distinctly unsporty person, I just have the one thought that might assist thanyone seeking to win out there.

It struck me after hearing Victoria Pendleton, gold-medallist in the (almost bizarrely) successful GB cycling team.

After expressing her joy, she said something like (and my apologies if there's a slight misquote here:

"I felt I had to win...it almost feels like you have to win a medal to be in the team these days".

So, after expressing matching congratulations, I'd just like to observe that maybe some of the more unfit amonst us might be helped to other goals by using a similar motivation. Because wanting to be part of a winning group may feel like a more comfortable motivation for many of us than an, "I'm marvellous and have to be the best" type approach.

Of course, first of all you have to find your winning group. But in this online world, they're out there especially (and quite possibly waiting to have you as a member).

More soon

Clare

Dog Days, or Holidays?

2008-08-04T20:36:00.002+01:00

Well, we've been rushing around for weeks here. So something felt distinctly wrong earlier today, when I suddenly realised that:

-There was absolutely nothing that had to be done today

and

-For the first weekday in ages, no-one had rung about anythingin the future.

What was going on?

A couple of friends and colleagues rang though, both speaking (though in slightly different ways) about a sense of listlessness, or of, "waiting for something to happen".

Then I remembered how stressed I used to get every August, when it seemed like the world had stopped turning.

There is of course, nothing sinister going on. It's just August. So, at least in the northern hemisphere, for many of us, things are going to be quieter than normal.

Howver, whether each of us chooses to react to that quiet as, "dog days" or "holidays!" (irrespective of whether you actually go anywhere) is up to each of us.

I dare you to trust that wheels will start turning again. And in the meantime, isn't there that paperwork/website change/succession of casual meetings that you've been promising to do all year. The time for them is now, whilst you have the time.

Unless of course, that word "holiday" has set you off already.

Hope this helps

Clare

Why Plan?

2008-07-25T21:34:00.002+01:00

More years ago than I care to think about, before becoming self-employed, I made a huge mistake. A much older and wiser friend took me aside and said,

"Do make sure you make yourself a business plan, won't you?"

Being quite young at the time, pretty innumerate, and utterly unsure of what the heck I would put in such a plan anyway, I ignored his advice. After all, I knew in my head what I planned to do, didn't I?

And that mistake probably cost me thousands (as well incalcuble wasted hours).

But it isn't just businesses that can benefit from plans (and yes, I mean written ones). We all can.

The real question, though, is, "Why?". For it can often feel that,"everything is all planned out" if you've mulled everything over mentally for the umpteenth time. Yet the statistics for success of planning over failure to plan in writing, are hackneyed and too oft-quoted.

For me, and the people I assist, it seems that plans, however well-visualised, only become "real", when they're written-down. Almost literally, they only make it into form in the world when they appear, in black-and-white. (Or indeed, any other more appealing colour combination).

Think about the difference between acknowledging inwardly to yourself that you "meant to have made 10 new contacts" by the end of July, for example, and knowing that you haven't made that same (but written) target? The two scenarios would feel different, wouldn't they? In the first case, more people would be able to shrug off any failure to act, with some neat verbal justification. In the second, the written deadline would be an unassailable reminder that they had once meant to act. Once written, a plan acts a a firm intention, rather than an unexpressed possibility.

Now of course it's a fine line between getting the benefit of such a plan, and feeling stressed by it, to the extent that it becomes another unwelcome, "to-do" list. But a simple, clear plan can help keep you focused on days when focus might otherwise go astray-and leave you feeling amazed at how much, sometimes without realising it, you've achieved at the end of each day/week/month/year.

And yes, in case you were wondering-I do now make (and stick to!) written plans of all kinds. Why? Because they work!

Hope this helps.

Victims, Victimhood, and the Alternatives

2008-07-21T17:30:00.003+01:00

Recently, on the radio, I heard a really inspiring Australian woman speaking on the radio about how her life had changed as a result of the 7/7 London bombings, in which she lost both of her legs.

During the interview (and I'll have to paraphrase here and hope I'm doing her justice) one of the points she made was that she never felt like, nor referred to herself as, a victim. To do so, would, in her terms, hand a victory to the crime's perpetrators that she didn't want to give them.

As a coach, and an individual living life, this struck me as a perfect example of how, even though we may not be able to control circumstances, we can always choose how to frame them. For me (and many of my clients) even the word "victim" carries with it a sense of ongoing powerlessness that may affect my (or someone else's) ability to reframe an incident as they move forward.

And to be honest, I never even thought this would be controversial in the personal development world. But apparently it is: one friend and I almost came to (civilised) blows over it. Just as well that we didn't-it would be deeply ironic if a discussuiion about victimhood led, incongruently, to anyone feeling victimised.

I realised that this is an issue upon which there are many different shades of opinion. Another friend, perhaps, summarised it with the most wisdom...

"Yes, if you can reframe yourself as something other than a victim, it probably helps you going forward> But you've got to be able to realise that you're giving yourself that label, and the implications of wearing it, before you can make a change".

Wise words indeed. But perhaps not the last word. What does everyone else think?

How Wide Are Your Horizons?

2008-07-15T16:41:00.004+01:00

There's a lot of talk in the personal development field about "expanding your horizons", "aiming high" and so forth. The trouble is, no-one seems to explain quite how you're supposed to do this whilst juggling jobs, family, household budgets and more.

The good news is, the whole process can be really simple and down-to-earth. As simple, in fact, as saying, "yes" more often in life.

There's a story here I need to tell against myself, in order to make the point best.

For some time, my Long Suffering Spouse has been nudging me gently towards getting a new monitor, worried perhaps that all my online activities would leave him with a wife who could only ever see him through a severely myopic haze.

Anyway, after weeks and months of pointing out good deals (he is, after all, a computer repair bod) he finally excelled himself, and brought home a 20" monitor, cast off by one of his clients in favour of something even better.

I looked at the monitor...huge and black-edged, and a serious piece of kit...and found myself putting up internal objections in order to preserve what I had:

-"But my current monitor's silver...it looks better than a black one would,"

-"The monitor I've got has speakers, the new one doesn't"

-"It'll never fit-we'd need to move everything around".

Until of course, I finally had a flash of good sense, and grabbing an extra six inches (of monitor size, naturally).

And of course, it all fitted fine, there wasn't that much to move, the black doesn't show because the screen is so huge, and we had other speakers anyway.

Suffice to say, I've spent my whole afternoon, going, "Wow....wow...wow," at my (literally) expanded horizons. And wondering how often I, or any of us, have missed out on something great for the sake of staying with the known.

The moral of the story? Saying, "Yes!" whenever you know you really want to is the easiest personal development tip of all.

Monday Morning Suggestions

2008-07-14T12:15:00.002+01:00

Monday mornings can be tough, especially when the sun's finally shining (after, the weekend, naturally).

However, there are some very simple ideas that can help you to enjoy them more than you may do currently, and here are three of the quickest:

-Make a very finite list of the things you absolutely have to do today. Everyone's different, so giving a number may be too prescriptive. But in general terms, most people don't complete more than a maximum of seven items even on a day when they feel fantastic, so if "Monday blues" are hitting you, aiming for four or five, and then feeling virtuous when they're actually complete, may be more effective and time efficient.

-When the list is done, pick the first one that pops into your mind and focus on it exclusively (no more thinking about how you'd rather be somewhere else) until it's done. Then, rinse and repeat the process.

-When half of the items on the list are complete, think of a small way to reward yourself at the end of the day that is in harmony with your other goals (ie if you're wanting to eat healthily, allowing yourself to curl up with a favourite TV programme might be a better reward than a chocolate bar) .

These are tiny thoughts, but it's precisely for this reason that they work to dissipate the Monday morning blues.

Hope this helps

Clare

How Not to Set Goals, by the G8

2008-07-09T14:58:00.007+01:00

Yes, I know, it's a negative title. But the G8 have really excelled themselves in demonstrating how much better we can all do in setting outcomes thean them, in their latest climate change statement.

The statement, if you're looking for light bedtime reading :-) is here:

http://www.herald-review.com/articles/2008/07/06/columnists/hawbaker/1033853.txt

On the plus side, it's written down. On the minus side, see how many better ways of outcome suggesting you could suggest to them, if asked. My first ten ideas are given below (but there are probably many more).

Ideas

1. Make the outcome as specific and tangible as possible (not just, eg, "work together on mitigation related technology strategies*)

*2. Put the outcome in the clearest and simplest possible terms.

3. State what everyone will see, hear and feel when the outcome is reached.

4. Set down firm targets for every action (not just vague and hopeful references to 2012).

5. State who is to be responsible for each action, and to whom, to ensure maximum accountability.

6. As far apossible, state how an outcome is to be reached, even if only in overview, or via staging post markers in time.

7. Divide the problem into small, manageable measurable steps. (Rather than saying, "Climate change is one of the great global challenges of our time" to depress yourself before you start with the scale of the task, and then failing to work out the tiny steps that can be taken this week, this month, and this year).

8. Make major decisions now (or at least as soon as you have the info to do so), rather than leaving them to, say, 2009, or 2012 :-), in order save the emotional energy that procrastination wastes, and better-prepare yourself for each new twist and turn in the road. If you really can't make a decision yet, state the info you need in order to make the decision, and give yourself a deadline by which to find it.

9. If agreements on goals and outcomes involve others, get their genuine buy-in by listening to, and addressing the emotional concerns driving their requests (eg. security, status). The alternative (ie wasting time finding forms of words that please everyone, but achieve nothing) doesn't bear thinking about.

10. Believe you can reach the outcome, and really want the change. (Nothing in the document suggests it, but maybe I'm feeling jaundiced today...Far be it from me to suggest that another set of politicians is pushing problems into a not-so-blue yonder, in which they are out of office and unaccountable).

And I'm sure the list goes on. Please do leave a comment when you spot other points I've missed.

So there you have it. Whoever said that politicians were useless? Look how helpful they've been to us here. Whatever happens to the world, you can be sure, if you're even reading this post, that you're 100% better at setting goals and outcomes than our esteemed leaders.

More soon

Clare

The Right Mentality at Wimbledon?

2008-07-02T15:46:00.004+01:00

Yes, it's that season again, when everyone talks about Wimbledon. But it is a great subject for a spot of personal developmet analysis, being a gladiatorial contest where fitness levels are similar, so winning and losing is, "all in the mind" of one individual or the other. For this reason, it contains some interesting lessons for all of us, sporty or not.

Apologies for a second to those outside the UK, as I'm going to talk for a bit about the British players. Most people in the UK used to support Tim Henman when he was playing, and he was an excellent player (eg. getting to semi-finals). However lots of people do doubt whether the gentlemanly Tim would have come back from the point where their opponent was about to win, to winning themselves.

That feat was performed by Andy Murray (another Brit) the other day. And yet, instead of being ecstatic and supportive, lots of UK people seem instead to be carping about Andy Murray seeming "too angry," "pumped up" etc.

But surely that's exactly how a person would need to behave in order to win a competitive tennis match at a top level? We're not asking him to be a great dinner party guest, but to fight and in a pressurised, demanding, and frankly, testosterone-filled atmosphere.

So my plea is both for Andy Murray's detractors and anyone who thinks that people should always be polite. It's a question of horses for courses, and in some (albeit limited) circumstances, tough, uncompromising, and even angry behaviour can be appropriate.

What's more, whether or not you ever play any tennis, take this a bit wider, and think about how, on days when you feel stroppy or angry (and all of us do, sometimes) that feeling might do positive things for you and/or others, if you could channel its energy in the right way.

Hope this helps-more soon.

Restaurants & Life Choices?

2008-06-26T10:12:00.004+01:00

A few days ago, my Long Suffering Spouse and I went out for lunch. Nothing particularly unusual in that (though we're often too busy, so it was a treat). However, the whole set-up provided the most wonderful metaphor for what a lot of us do in our lives sometimes, and how to do things differently. Allow me to explain.

We were driving back home through the countryside. But hunger was driving LSS even more, so we stopped at the first pub restaurant we saw. It had a spectacular view at the back over what seemed like three counties (and no, I'm not exaggerating). At the front was the main road, from which we'd spotted the place.

As we're British and therefore programmed to sit outside whenever the sun is even vaguely shining ;-) we asked to sit outside. And so, we were ushered out.

But to our horror, we were led out to the front, to spend our whole meal listening to the sounds of an "A" road and looking at a wall, when 30 feet away, was a glorious view.

True, the restaurant owner might have needed to ask a builder to put in a couple of days work to flatten a seating area at the back. But instead of letting his customers enjoy the view, they were shoved at the front, whilst, wait for this, drainage tanks and a car park got the benefit of that amazing vista at the back.

When I stopped being incredulous though, I realised that many of us (including me, sometimes) do just the same thing as that restaurant owner, with our entire lives. So, my question to you is the same one as it has been to myself for the last few days:

Are there any ways in which you are denying yourself the, "whole glorious view" in life, for want of a few changes that mya be tedious in the long-term, but yield huge benefits, and much more enjoyment, over time?

That restaurant owner may never turn his pub around. Luckily though, we can decide to "face the view" in our own lives, at any time.

Hope this helps.

What Works in Marriage?

2008-06-25T12:07:00.002+01:00

Calling all married people...If you had a piece of advice for those intending to get married, what would it be?

If ready answers spring to mind, hotfoot it over to Dr Gary chapman's site, where he is researching people's views on the matter, and would like to know.

And, as we support any investigation into, "what works" here, this seemed like a project to to publicise.

The link is:

http://www.garychapman.org/research.htm

Have fun with this. Now, must go and check out how my Long Suffering Spouse would have responded to this challenge...

Even Quicker EFT

2008-06-25T00:08:00.003+01:00

If you want a really quick introduction to EFT (ie the Emotional Freedom Technique, or "tapping therapy" as it's sometimes called, I've just stumbled upon a new, free resource that's quicker, simpler and more down to earth than any I've seen before.

So, whether you already like EFT, or are just curious to know how tapping various parts of your body can assist you within a couple of minutes, head over to:

http://starfields.org/easyeft/free-eft-course.htm#EFT_Super_Quick_Overview

for more details.

Hope this helps!

Useful Inspiration

2008-06-20T17:05:00.002+01:00

If you're not sure whether you're in the kind of work or lifestyle that would inspire you the most, there's a great free resource that could help.

Nick Williams (author of , "The Work You Were Born to Do") has a great e-course on his site that runs through many of the key obstacles people face when finding their way into truly fulfilling work/lifestyles.

You'll need to sign up for it, but it's well worth it (particularly as the course gives you written, ausio and video content for free, and each section can be read consecutively, rather than your needing to wait for the next email.

You can find the course here:

http://www.inspired-entrepreneur.com/

N.B. I don't necessarily agree with the idea, given nearer the end of the course, that entrepreneurship works for quite so many people as is suggested near the end of the course, but the initial stages in particular have some very useful content.

Hope this helps

Clare

Making Decisions More Easily

2008-06-16T16:12:00.003+01:00

Here's a neat little tool I devised recently that seems really to be helping people who have decisions to make. Specifically, it helps you to get all of the thoughts (for and against) that may be swimming around in your head, onto paper, in an organised fashion. It's a variation on the good old, "list of pros and cons" but a bit more detailed.

You can download it here:
http://www.selfworks.net/choicequadrant.pdf

NB. To make this even more effective, give a score out of 10 (with 10 being "very important to me", and 0 "not at all important to me") to each of the elements you place into each quadrant.

Otherwise, just allow yourself to take whatever you need from the data this helps you to gather.

This tool is very simple, but please don't let that fool you: it really does work if you need to clarify your thinking about a choice. What you do with the results is up to you!

Hope this helps!

Clare

Is Bureaucracy Driving You Crazy at Work?

2008-06-13T19:17:00.002+01:00

Bureaucracy. Excessive paperwork. Forms that lead to more forms. You know the kind of thing.

They can be unavoidable in your private life. But at work, hoever insurmountable bureaucracy might seem, there are ways for anyone (whatever their position in the hierachy) to influence the situaiton, and thus help themselves, and others, to gain more control over their working day. Here are three top tips that have worked for clients of mine in the past.

1. Don't try to eat the proverbial "elephant". Instead, identify the one small change in the way in which your organisation's run that would make the most difference to you if it were to be different.

2. Work out its impact on others. For example, when you research the matter you wish to get changed, there may be a real reason why X needs that paperwork (eg. in order to comply with the law). On the other hand, things may be done that way, "because they always have" and be ripe for change).

3. Identify who is already empowered to make the change, and how your case needs to be put in order for that person to take it on board and make the change with enthusiasm.

For example, if anyone with a financial role is involved in the decision, it may help them to make it in your favour if you can show a clear business case to them (ie how the change will make/save them money).

And remember, they may in fact need to hear this information from someone other than you. In which case you still follow this step, but outline the case in the manner most likely to impress the person who will speak to the change-maker...bearing in mind that the easier you can make the potential spokesperson's life by giving them a ready-made case to present ever-upwards, the greater chance you have of the change taking hold.

Put in the right way, you may be surprised at how quickly a number of smalol changes can be taken on board and start to add up. Give it a go, and watch your motivation and sense of involvement soar.

Hope this helps!

Clare

Restlessness and "Big Change"

2008-06-10T11:46:00.002+01:00

When people feel restless, or that, "there must be more to life than this", it's often really tempting to go for, "the big change". You know the kind of thing. People up sticks and move to different countries, set up businesses and the like.

But, whether or not you're aiming for , "the big change," if you're feeling restless, why not start with small changes first? The easiest and most sustainable way to do this is to change just one thing about your day, every day. So, for example, if you always buy a latte each morning, from Cafe X, on day one of the change you might order tea, and on Day two, order anything you like, but from cafe Z. Small changes like that can actually add up to a different day-to-day experience surprisingly fast.

Neither do they stop you from making the bigger changes. In fact, putting this kind of new idea into practice should make the bigger changes easier, because:

-You'll already be in "change mode," so bigger changes will seem less daunting and more exciting,

-The small changes you make may introduce you to new people and concepts into which you can make an easy and natural transition, and

-You'll become more experienced at integrating change into your life, and the skill will carry forward into major changes too.

Hope this helps-more soon!

Ultimate Productivity Tip/Procrastination Beater

2008-06-04T19:13:00.005+01:00

If you want to boost your productivity, beat procrastination, and generally feel good about your efficiency, there are lots of tips and theories out there.

And many of them take a nice length of time to wade through, ironically giving the seasoned procrastinator a seemingly cast-iron excuse to put things off whilst they, "just learn how to get more done".

So, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of lengthy prose that makes you feel like you're doing something to solve the problem, without actually solving it.

Instead, just promise yourself that you'll commit to the next action. Are you ready? It's...

Do the thing you least want to do first, and get it out the way.

(And yes, you do know which it is. It's the lurking one that you'll tidy your desk/wash-up/even go to the dentist to avoid...)

But do this just once a day, and your productivity will soar.

Plus, after the first few days of carrying this out, you'll so enjoy the rush of energy, achievement and pleasure you get from carrying out a "dreaded task" that you might even look forward to getting them out of the way...

Be warned though, for this to work at it's best, just attack the one thing you've least wanted to do, each day.

Please do leave feedback on the results you get from this (it's likely to encourage other people to get more done, too, apart from anything else).

Enjoy!

Clare

Personal Development in the Media

2008-05-31T12:27:00.002+01:00

It's beena great week for personal development-related stories in the media, (even if it wasn't such a great week for getting sufficient time to put a blogging finger to keyboard).

For example, last night (May 30th's) episode of Derren Brown: Trick or Treat showed what a differnce various NLP interventions can make to boost a person's confidence, even with the opposite sex. (And no, just in case you're wondering, I wouldn't include glass-chewing in my own recommended range of development tools, but am just pleased to see DB helping more and scaring less, in certain episodes of this series. Check out the episode on www.channel4.com/4od/ if you're interested.

Then, if you're serious about your listening skills and "auditory acuity" (to use the jargon for exactly the same thing, this week's publicised tests on: http://www.feelingsound.net/

may be your thing (Warning, the test is a long one!)

If you prefer favourite voices to favourite chords, according to those who calculate such things, the perfect female voice sounds like this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7427185.stm, and the perfect male one, like this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/7426993.stm

And no, folks, I don't think the researchers can have been thinking globally in this research, as the voices are suspiciously British!

Finally, just in case you ever thought otherwise, it turns out that we do self justify our decisions, so that however terrible it might have been objectively speaking, we each subjectively tend to rationalise a given decision after the event, seeing only its good points.

Visit: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/listenagain/thursday.shtml

within the next 5 days, and click on the "0822" link, to find out more.

Hope this is fun, as well as helpful.

Clare

Seeds of Change?

2008-05-24T20:29:00.003+01:00

There are seeds of change afoot at Selfworks, and with all of this, blogging has had to take a back seat recently.

However, the idea of seeds set me thinking about a low-cost (and fun) way to assess your own approach to manifesting changes in your life.

It happened like this.

LSS and I suddenly decided one evening a couple of weeks ago actually to plant the many packets of seeds we seemedd to have accumulated over the last year or so. We are not gardeners in any sense, so this was a completely new experience for us (and for our window boxes).

In went the tomato seeds, the sunflowers, the salad veg, and the seeds of the pink flowers I can't remember the name of, because I stupidly chucked away the packet.

Anyway, it was a hot evening, so we watered them, and waited.

Now, the packets talked about 14 days+ before germination. So really, other than watering, I should have put them out of my mind.

Did I do this? Did I heck.

After 24 hours, I was impatiently wondering why I couldn't see even a green shoot, and thinking that actually the packets might be old/duds etc.

And then it hit me. As with seeds, so with life. Once the seed of an idea is sown, it too needs time to grow, develop and come to fruition. Doubting it does no good at all. There was I thinking I was such a good manifestor....and when faced with a really practical manifestation situation, here was a really basic error on my part.

In fact, we began to see green shoots, amazingly. after just three days...and now that two weeks have passed, it actually looks like nearly all the seeds we planted are through . (And this even though I had "planned" for a much higher attrition/non-germination rate).

In the end of course, seeds are designed by nature to come through, if possible. And in the same way, maybe we, as individuals are too...if only we can trust the process of life that bit more.

Have a go at planting some seeds if the fancy takes you...and check out what the process tells you aout yourself, at the same time.

Hoipe this helps.

More soon, though not quite sure when.

Clare

Be the Life and Soul of the Party-Thai Edition

2008-05-16T18:07:00.005+01:00

"Be the Life and Soul of the Party" is to be available in a Thai edition!

So far, that's all I know, as it was only confirmed to me a few hours ago.

But, if you're interested in a copy, or know of someone (or several someone's ;-) who might be, do get in touch and I'll let you know more as soon as I have info about publication dates etc.

More proper blogging as soon as poss!

Clare

Free Barefoot Doctor MP3

2008-05-14T14:40:00.002+01:00

Very quickly, (and with apologies again for erratic posting) I'm going to do something unusual, and give you a link to something which I haven't yet listened to in full myself.

It's a free, 51 minute MP3 of a Barefoot Doctor teleconference. Such is my respect for the BD's clarity, integrity and excellent information, I'm guessing even before listening, that that this will be an absolute treat.

You can grab it here:

http://www.moneyshamaninterviews.com/barefoot_doctor_call.htm

Hope this helps, and do postyour thoughts whatever your opinion of it!

More soon

Clare

Easier Decision Making

2008-05-09T20:20:00.005+01:00

Are you humming and hawing about making a decision? Or, do you know someone who is?

In which case, this very simple little technique should assist you in making the process quicker and easier. It goes like this:

1. Take a large sheet of paper (or a nice, new document if you're doing this on a computer).

At the top, write "My Needs Right Now".

Under that, list ever single thing you feel you need from life, right now. Eg:

"1. Time to myself every day.
2. More chances to meet with friends
3. X hours per week to pursue cretive interests"

etc.

When you think you've finished, wait a few minutes, or even put the list away for a day, before you complete it, to check that other needs are not "lurking" somewhere in your mind.

Once the list is complete, go back to your decision making process, and whatever else that process includes, make sure you spend a little time checking out how well each option tallies (or otherwise) with your list of your own needs.

This little technique is not meant to make the decision for you, nor to ignore the needs of others, which may have a vital role to play as well. Its simple function is to make sure that in decision-making, your own needs are met before anything else that you "ought to" should" or even "want" to do.

Hope this helps

More soon

Clare

Is Children's Development Being Hampered by This?

2008-05-05T15:55:00.006+01:00

As a coach, it's one of my dearest, if idealistic wishes that by the time I retire (or sooner) I will in fact be redundant, because everyone will have been so well parented that they have little or no need for coaching or similar support.

By and large, all the parents I know do an amazing job. But lately, whilst watching them, I've become concerned that one key ingredient may be missing in some tots' upbringing, that may (sadly) ensure the future of coaches for many generations.

Now, I get, that as a child-free person, I am on dodgy ground even presuming to stick my nose into this arena. But my status also gives me an objectivity that I wouldn't have if maternal love had made me vulnerable to being scared half to death by media horror stories and governmental pressure.

So, I'm going to take a deep breath and say this anyway. Some children seem to be being so over-protected that they risk not developing sufficient resilience to be able to thrive and survive the knocks and rough-and-tumble of the adult world.

Take an event I was at yesterday. A small child was playing on and around a swing. shefell and bumped herselfin a very minor way, but was already picking herself up and clearly fine, when her loving but massively over-anxious father raced over andbegan a horrified (and pretty lengthy) inquisition into that which had happened.

From a coaching point of view, it's pretty likely that the net learning which this tot received from the event is likely to be: "Falling over is bad, and a danger which I must avoid".

How much more useful, practical, and better for her resilience it would have been if the learning she's taken away from this was instead: "Hey. I fell over. That wasn't great, but now, having fallen in a safeish environment, I know that I can pick myself up again anywwhere".

Just a thought.

More soon

Clare

Be the Life and Soul of the Party-Russian Edition

2008-04-30T16:37:00.002+01:00

"Be the Life and Soul of the Party", (my print guide to having more fun during parties, social functions and events) is now available in Russian...

There'll certainly be no exterior confusion between the two issues- the cover of the Russian edition (above-this is simply a scan of the cover-proper links etc will follow) is substantially different to the UK/ US one...see the Amazon link in the right-hand column for a comparison.

If you are a Russian speaker reading this post, please do let me know your view on this difference between the covers.

More soon, though not on this topic!

Clare

A Charisma Definition?

2008-04-24T12:47:00.003+01:00

OK, I know that many people have attempted this before, but having worked on charisma with dozens of people over the years, I'm going to have a shot at a definition of charisma, and it might not be what you think.

Here goes. How do you feel about, "the ability of a person to project emotional energy farther/more forcefully than those around him or her at any given time?

I've come to this by noticing that the following process really works if you want to increase your charisma:

1. Really be aware of how you're feeling.

2. Assuming you feel, or have access to, a pleasant feeling, imagine that you have an internal dial for that feeling, and "turn it up".

3. Imagine that you're now turning up that dial so high that the emotion is pouring out of you, your gestures and your speech. Visualise this emotion flowing to the furthest corners of whichever space you want it to occupy.

NB. Notice the emphasis on an ekmotion that's pleasant for both you and the recipients. Whilst the definition of charisma doesn't refer to a projected charismatic emotion being pleasant or unpleasant (as many a dictator has provedin the past) this bloggers firm policy on "vibe promotion" is that they should be positive.

Hope all this helps!

Clare